I thought it was just me that felt the way I did last week, but it turns out it is not just me. I felt that I was talking rubbish, that the problems I saw, the challenges I had to tackle, the theory I had to apply to my work was over complicated and overindulgent. I felt like I was over theorizing my strategy. But the just get it done strategy doesn’t work for me. And it doesn’t work for my other colleagues either, which was a relief.
I have not been doing this long enough to have the sand up, flag in the ground confidence to say ‘I know I’m right about this’ and ‘yes, it is this complicated, and we need to think harder about how this can work’. But this is my issue, and experience, knowledge and preparation will get me to this place. I, unfortunately did not prepare last week, and was left feeling utterly deflated
I don’t want things to just work, I want them to work well. I want them to be a show piece of what I can do. And I know there are limitations with funding in my industry. But I embrace those limitations, as it is these limitations that will make me work and think harder about how I can achieve that of bigger organisations. Ultimately I learn more, and the organisation gains more.
I want to do my very best, and sometimes there is no time for this. The ‘we’ll tidy that up later’ approach has never worked for me. Because that that needs tidying never gets done, and just niggles as a job half finished.
Am I wrong? Part selfish ambition, part wanting to learn. Is this what drives us? This balances with the needs of my organisation, and making sure I fully understand those needs, and that this understanding is similar to that to that of my team.
To conclude – this is turning out to be a better week. My musings about the task that lies ahead? I feel more confident that I am right in my calculation of it’s complexity, even in our small, but well formed, organisation.