I Need to change – a confidence wobble.

I’ve been thinking this week. Allot. My brain is full of the notion and concept of learning. What this means. How it works. Why we need to learn. How people understand learning. How important i think it is vs how important others think it is. But is this because my main motivation is learning at the moment?

I am in a new career,  right at the start of it, and its like I’ve  opened a box I can’t get the lid back on. And im learning, about learning.

I’ve realised I’ve totally blured the lines of my job and my learning. But what is my driver? I spoke earlier about peoples agenders,  and i realise i have totally fallen in my own trap of being driven by my own agender. Is the work i am doing fitting the agender of the post i currently do, or that of my own agender?

I had a meeting today with the guys in my team responsible  for generating content for our new intranet. Our primary business tool. I am responsible for e learning on a separate platform. How do the two co exist. When does information and guidance stop and learning begin? Is my primary objective with our e learning site usability  or content, or both.

I can not come to a single conclusion, so im just doing stuff, in the hope that the stuff I am doing is moving us in the right direction.

I am in a total no mans land at the moment and I feel no closer to any realisation. I thought I would have figured it out already. 

I was planning this blog post this week. I had a really brilliant meeting with my boss yesterday and thought i knew what I was doing. I came way understanding better what my role was.

Today it’s  totally turned on its head. I saw the faces of my colleagues as i was trying to explain my half baked and unconcluded plan, and understood that they didn’t get ‘it’. What the learning means. Our objectives are different. They need to make te system work, and i need for it to make sense. Then i also realised i didn’t fully understand what that looked like either. The more i spoke, the more i realised i had a severe case of disappearing up my own backside.

And there appears to be no buy in for the e learning. The platform has become tired and I need to improve what it is we Offer, before the new intranet swallows it whole.

My attitude towards this has been bullish and brass and I need to change this behaviour and approach. I have criticised all to often without listening or understanding. My enthusiasm for learning has eclipsed my ability to do my job and the tasks I need to complete.

I need to figure out what my purpose is again, embrace it and do my job, and do it well.

Next week I am…

Going to work with my colleges better and smarter.
I’m going to get under the skin of the system
I’m going to stream line my objectives and do a better job in one area, rather than spreading myself too thin.
Try and understand what my colleges objectives better.
Set up another meeting, and plan for it. Rather than turn up and assume that I will get my point across.
Complete the better meeting module on our e learning site!!
Going to learn from this……mistakes are a learning experience too.

I think im having a confidence wobble!!

Still, I will try harder next week, try and put this week behind me and hope that I’ve not done too much damage  the the working relationships I have in my office.


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